tribute to one taff cookie...my MAMA part II

20th November 2014

...continued..

it was 8 unbearable long hours since she was strolled into the ward approximately around 1.00 PM..

it seems like we've been waiting since like forever..

at 9.00 PM  while i was aimlessly playing COC on the phone, i saw a pair of feet in front of me..

when i look up, it was her...my mum's doc...

she was smiling...and she told us that the surgery went better as expected..

she told us the nurse was cleaning my mum and she will be supervised overnight in the OT room or known as (P.A.K.U) to monitor her condition.

She then hug me and left...

me and my handsome cuzzy..huhu

So me and my dad continue to wait....it was until around 11.00 PM ( with me harassing every nurse that came in out of the OT room since there's no one at the front desk, there's no one to refer too..)

A nurse asks me to change into a scrub and brought me to a room...

Watching her...with all the tubes, and wires all over her body..

It was a picture forever engraved in my mind..

She was sleeping...but she did open her eyes for some time..( she told me later she didn't remember this...which means at this state she was unconscious)..

Apart of me felt relieved she was okay..but it still pains to see she's in that kind of condition..

We arrived at our homestay around 1.00 AM...


21-25th November 2014


Me and dad went to the hospital after breakfast and waited at the ward....around 10.00 PM dad wants us to wait in front of the OT...half an hour later, we saw she was strolled out from inside the OT room..

we watched silently behind the closed door

we then followed the nurse up to her ward....she was wide awake but she just silently watching us...

she was provided with a tube of morphine, if she felt any pain, she just need to push the button that 

will inject her with a dosage of it..(but hey my taff cookie, she didn't even use the morphine...NOT 

EVEN ONCE).

That night I waited and slept beside her...

slept on the floor

that night she doesn't say much, she just told us that the doctor informs her not to move her head so much..

the incision behind her ear..

one massive respect for my mum...she never left her tasbih...

she kept on dzikir..and i just silently reciting Quran at her bedside..

And the next day family and friends came to visits her...my mum she is able to sit up on the bed...

but she isn't allowed to go to the toilet just yet..

At this time she had her period coming...mum was quite shy bout it...but heck I don't mind..

In my mind I just kept thinking how she raised me..feed me, change my diapers and shit...

if I'm not the one who's going to take care of her, who will? 

At this time i remembered how ive been such a spoilt brat during my teen years...

It breaks my heart to remember how I mistreated my mum..

I would smack myself to the moon if I were to go back in time..

my husmet and my twin came by for a visit...

thanks you guys u made my day

So I stayed at the hospital for 5 days before the doctor gave consent to release my mum...

While staying at the hospotal I came down with a flu and a fever..

Mum eventhough she's on her bed, kept throwing me her jacket...since it was too cold at night..

Mum taking care of me even when she bedridden..

So mama...this is for u....

I really love you from the bottom of my heart...

Love u mama...

N daddy too....u are all that i have...

p/s: She's too strong even the doctors were AMAZED by her...my mama..

my one TAFF COOKIE..

tribute to my one taff cookie...my MAMA (part I)

On Thursday 20th November 2014...my mum had undergone a surgery at

the back of her ear due to a 1.2cm tumor in her ear. The tumor had cost my

mama her hearing on the right ear and that distorts her face . I'm writing it so 

that more people are aware of the condition..

Well ain't it better that the self-wallowing post before aight ? hehe

What is ACOUSTIC NEUROMA?

Well from the PubMed Health 

link: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001782/#adam_000778.disease.causes

An acoustic neuroma is a slow-growing tumor of the nerve that connects the ear to the brain. 

This nerve is called the vestibular cochlear nerve. It is behind the ear right 

under the brain.

An acoustic neuroma is not cancerous (benign). This means that it does not 

spread to other parts of the body. 

However, it can damage several important nerves as it grows....

18 ~19th November:

So on 18th of November my mum is admitted...it's prior 2 days before the 

surgery, because Prof Asmaa 's team (the ENT specialist) would like to monitor 

my mum's health before the operation....(screening process)..

They would check for her asthma problem...and my mum has high blood 

and cholesterol issue... 

Me and dad we stayed at a homestay near HUKM...it's a RM250 per night 

room...quite expensive but since my grandparents also decided to came better 

have a spacious room we thought..

It's around 15~ 20 mins walk to the hospital...during these two days me and 

dad would walk to mom..

We would arrive around 9.00 am after breakfast...and we would stay untill 

around 7.00 pm...

HUKM didn't let any relatives to stay for the night since my 

mum is still able to walk around and chatting with other tenants huhu..

my mom friendly as always..

            

walking every morning with my dad..

20th November:

It's D'Day...my mum was cheerful as always...but we know that deep down 

inside she's nervous...

I mean who the heck doesn't? If It was me I would be screaming up and down...

(maybe not so much...but literally)..

She was chatting casually with dad..

...and then she just kept her silence...

and staring at a space in front of her..

at first I tried to calm myself by goofing off with her...

....and no reaction..

i was panic..but i kept my silence...kept my smile....eventhough it felt 

hard...and plastic...remembering it was too hard...seeing her like that..

later i was told she was sedated...she didn't remember much..

but i did...

it was hard to put on a brave face....

let alone putting it in front of dad..

waiting for the operation theater

me goofing around trying to 'help' ease the tension..

but i know i was only helping myself..

at that time.....

Mum was given her asthma medicine

Mum on stroller..on the way to the OT 

when the stroller came my face was rigid.. i kept 'telling' myself it's gonna be 

okay...everything's gonna be fine..

i can't even face my dad

my mind was blank..

when inside the OT, i just couldn't stand it..

i stood quite far...and started to sob..

seeing my mum on the stroller, waiting for to go inside the OT..

such feeling is so indescribable..

and dad was hugging and cooing me..i didnt quite catch the words all i noe i 

was sobbing into his shirt...

and so...the waiting begins....

the OT floor 1...

waiting...

i've never been such a good daughter to my family

but mama im here waiting for you...

First time jadi bridesmade

My friend, finally changed status on 15/11/2014 at a mosque near her hometown in Alam

Megah, Putra Heights..

After endurings obstacles from god knows what..they were together nonetheless..huhu..

But the most exciting thing is that she had invited me to become her bridesmade! OMGGGEEEEE

excited gila bak hang!!

I've searched high and low to find a peach coloured dress...haha it was tiring, exhausting ( peach coloured dress is MEGA HARD to find!!! )

Then on the 16/11/2014 , ive walked with her down the stairs...stood with her in the rain (IT WAS POURING LIKE MAD) stood beside her on the dias..

She was pretty in the WHITE DRESS..looking like a beautiful doll..

So this post is for you Nurul Ashikin Binti Abd Latiff..

Thank you for the invitation...

It was fun..Sorry didnt get to be a very good bridesmade...

You're really beautiful..

Alhamdullillah after all those you've gone through you guys finally made it..

BARAKALLAHUMMA...

Like a princess...hehehe

Poyo poyo je aku kat sebelah

Me and the best man...

Mujur tak masuk dlm semak 

Istajib duaa' ana...

I was browsing my fb....somehow i found this video posted on my friend's wall...

I'm quite fond of Lah...he has a very beautiful voice...but this vclip really shakes me back to reality..

I was too caught up in my own world..

I've been thought since I was small that Allah s.w.t has planned for everything the good and the bad..

Thank you Lah..your vclip had provide me a very powerful reminder that I'm not alone...

I have my God, my family and my friends....

Thank you....

Thank you....

Thank you so much..

When Everything's made to be broken..

Currently this songs literally sings to me..

so thought i'd shared it with u guys...(^_____^)

"Iris"

   

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

When sooner or later it's over

I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I dnt noe since when...but suddenly i started to miss u...ur texts, ur smile, ur jokes...yes i miss u....

but ull never be mine....

never seemed too long....

yes...never it is...never ever......

burnt out flames

....dah cukup setahun...

dah cukup setahun everything happened..

in 5 month ur engaged..

in another 5 month ur someone else's husband...

everything just slipped by too fast..too fast...

i'm hoping this time i myself can find closure..

goodbye luv...goodbye promises..

just a simple goodbye...


i really hope everything works out for you...

p/s:but like a burnt out flame, burnt and destroyed, all of our love, it hurts so much, but now I’ll call you a memory.....

hapus aku..

.....ish..nk start mcm mn pon tak tau..
tetiba saja nk tulis..after months and months abandoning my blog..
tak tau sapa baca kot jadi sampah internet..LOL..

.............whew im counting days...counting days for him to become somebody's else husband i persume...
rasa bercampur baur esp bila kad kahwin tuh is personally hand given by him..

..............no..tktau nk ckp apa..

nk ngarut..

yeah mlm nie otak dah weng...mgarut...mgarut....

i dunno what im doing anymore......

just...please lemme forget everything bout him..

lemme move on....

no point for me to stay rooted where I am now...

yes..rambling nonsense....

p/s: .......yakinkan aku tuhan dia bukan milikku...